I'm Ok
by Writers blockz
Summary: Gordo's home life is finally revealed to his friends and he finds himself slowly breaking down. Chapter 4 up. updated 4/28
1. Default Chapter

I'm Ok Chapter one  
  
A/n: This is my first Lizzie McGuire story. It's been a while since I've written fan fiction, but I figured I'd give it another shot. The continuation of this story depends solely on the feedback I receive. The more positive reviews, the more likely I'll be to update.  
  
The story is based lightly on the song "I'm Ok" by Christina Aguilera. This chapter is pretty light, but future chapters will contain strong themes. I do now own any of the characters of Lizzie McGuire. This is fiction, made up in my sick little mind. I hope you like it. Please let me know.  
  
It was always just us. Just the three of us as an inseparable trio of friendship, fun and girl talk minus Gordo. We would sit in my room for hours and do absolutely nothing productive and yet somehow still manage not to care that we were missing the biggest high school party of the year. We were missing it together and that was all that mattered to us. Miranda would bring her mom's famous homemade butter cookies and my mom would make sure that we shared with Matt. Tonight it was snowing and Miranda and I sat on the end of my bed, picking at the tinfoil wrapping covering the plate of cookies and the phone was in her hand.  
  
"You don't think something could have happened do you?" she asked, pressing numbers on the cordless despite the fact that it wasn't turned on.  
  
"No. He's probably just running a little late." I had to be the reasonable one. Miranda was known for falling apart.  
  
"Yeah.two hours late." She mumbled under her breath, but she knew I could hear.  
  
And I had to admit that she was right. He was usually the early one, waiting for one of us to show up. She tossed the phone onto my lap.  
  
"Call him."  
  
"Why me?"  
  
"Your house." Was her only excuse but I knew she was just scared. Not scared that he wouldn't be home, but more than likely scared that his father would pick up. He wasn't very fond of either of us, but appeared to dislike Miranda a little more than me for some reason. So I dialed the number.  
  
I waited a few seconds. "Um, is David there?"  
  
Miranda laughed a little at the way my voice wavered and I stood from my spot on the pink bedspread and began pacing the floor in a faint attempt to ignore her. I waited for the response on the other end of the line and when none came I cleared my throat a little.  
  
"No. He went out for the night." Who is this?"  
  
"Lizzie, could you just tell him I called?"  
  
"Yeah." And with that he hung up.  
  
I tossed the phone back down on the bed and stared at it for a minute before sitting again. I huffed.  
  
"Not home."  
  
"I figured." She looked uneasy and stood up. "It's cold in here."  
  
"Where could he have gone? He's known for a week that we had plans tonight. I reminded him like, a million times in school today."  
  
"Maybe." It was like something out of a horror movie when the doorbell shrieked through the house. And after jumping a mile, our sighs of relief could be heard for years.  
  
"I'm going to kick his ass." Miranda whispered after opening my bedroom door and bounding down the staircase.  
  
I pushed ahead of her. "Not if I get to him first." I swung the front door open, expecting an immediate apology on the other side. Instead I was met with a teary smile, a barely there hello and downcast eyes.  
  
"Gordo?" It wasn't really a question. I was just having trouble getting my brain to work with my tongue. I think I smiled, but I can't be sure.  
  
"Gordo, what happened?" Miranda sounded angry, but I don't think she was about to kick anyone's ass anymore.  
  
"I.can I come in? It's kind of cold out here."  
  
I opened the door a little more and he scuffed his feet on the welcome mat, brushing snow out of his hair lightly.  
  
"Sorry I'm late." He never lifted his eyes from the floor.  
  
My stomach was doing flips, my hands were shaking and I couldn't tear my gaze away from the bruise on his left cheek.  
  
"What happened?" Miranda questioned again, stepping closer to him this time.  
  
He let his backpack drop from his shoulders and threw it onto the couch in the corner. I silently thanked god that the rest of my family had gone to Gammy McGuire's house for the weekend. Mom would have been all over this, making things worse as always.  
  
"I'm fine." He answered and then turned towards the couch again. He walked slowly and sat on the edge of it, putting his head in his hands and still watching the rug. "My head is just kind of bugging me. Do you have anything I could take Lizzie?"  
  
I hadn't spoken yet and I didn't plan to. I walked past them and into the kitchen. I filled a small cup with some tap water and grabbed a couple aspirin from the cabinet where mom kept them hidden.  
  
I placed them into Gordo's hand and for the first time, he looked up, whispering thanks as he grabbed for the cup.  
  
He swallowed them without taking a sip and watched the water swirl in the cup. I sat down beside him, my leg against his. His whole body was shaking and I hadn't noticed until now.  
  
"You still cold?" I knew it was a stupid question, as Miranda and I were sweltering in our tank top pajamas. I wasn't sure why I had turned the heat up so high to begin with.  
  
"I'm fine." He said again, but the swelling wetness of his eyes gave away his secret. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and tried to pull him closer to me.  
  
"Really, I'm fine. Don't worry do much. It's just a headache." And I was convinced at that moment that he thought we were the two dumbest girls on the face of the earth.  
  
"We're not blind Gordo, what happened to your face?" Miranda asked from where she stood near the door. Gordo reached up and lightly touched his cheek and a few tears fell at that moment. I tightened my grip on him.  
  
"Hun, you can tell us anything, you know that right?" I asked softly. He mumbled a response and sighed.  
  
"He's never done this before. Not to me." His voice was only a little more than a whisper, but we could hear him perfectly.  
  
"Who?" Miranda asked, finally stepping closer. But we knew the answer.  
  
"He's never hit me before. Always just my mother." That confirmed any doubts and I suddenly didn't feel too well.  
  
"So I left, you know? I just left and I would have come straight here but I didn't and I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I shouldn't even be here right now. This has nothing to do with you, you don't need this, you just don't." He was talking a mile a minute, and talking crazy nonetheless. I grabbed his shoulders with both hands.  
  
"Gordo. Relax. Everything's going to be all right. Your ok now."  
  
"I should go." He started to stand. Miranda pushed him back down gently.  
  
"You're not leaving. You're not going back there tonight Gordo."  
  
He was crying now. Something I hadn't seen him do since we were little and I broke his favorite toy soldier he brought in for show and tell. "I have to Miranda. I'm sorry." He stood up again and she stood in his way.  
  
"Sit down Gordo, you're not leaving."  
  
"Bullshit Miranda. Move."  
  
"Lizzie, tell him to sit down."  
  
"I'm not a fucking dog Miranda, now get out of my way!"  
  
I tuned them out when it turned into a mix of screaming and swearing and sobbing. He fell to the floor in a heap, bawling now and pushing us away. I reached for his arm and pulled him back to the couch. He lied there, shaking for a long while, while I rubbed his back. Miranda sat on the floor in her own world, wiping stray tears from her own face.  
  
I don't know when, but somehow all three of us fell asleep. Me and Gordo were on the couch wrapped in a massive tangle of arms and legs, and Miranda was on the floor, just below us.  
  
We woke up cold the next morning and no one wanted to move first. The phone rang 10 and I had to answer it because, as Miranda said, it was my house.  
  
I struggled to get up. "Hello?"  
  
"Is David there?" I took the phone away from my ear and looked a Gordo lying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling and rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Gordo? It's your dad." He sat up quickly and scrambled across the room and took the receiver from me. After a quick conversation he grabbed his untouched bag from where it had landed on the floor at some point during the night. He kissed me on the cheek and hugged Miranda and left quickly.  
  
I took his spot on the couch again and breathed in his scent. Neither one of us moved for a long while, but laid still, thinking and wondering. 


	2. chapter two

I ran, rather than walked home. The ground was thick with slush from last night's snowstorm and I had to fight against my body not to fall on my ass. My shoes were ruined by the time I pushed the porch door open. They were sitting at the kitchen with their backs to me, but they knew I was there.  
  
"Come sit down David." My mother spoke but it was like the life had been sucked from her body. She just sounded cold and empty. I obeyed, leaving my bag by the door.  
  
"What did your father tell you about leaving the house without permission?"  
  
I glanced at my hands. I refused to look up. "Not too." I answered as simply and as quickly as possible.  
  
"And did your father or I tell you that you could go out and see your little friends last night?" Her voice was getting louder.  
  
"No Ma'am." Mine only got lower, barely even a whisper now.  
  
"Then WHERE did you go David!" It wasn't really a question. He was standing now, hovering over me, practically spitting down my neck. I wouldn't let him see me shaking and I knew better than not to answer him.  
  
"Lizzie's house."  
  
"Lizzie's house." He stated calmly, sitting back down. He looked at my mother and smirked. "He was at Lizzie's house." He said again, a bit more sarcastically this time. He jumped up again and I could have cared less if he saw me shaking. She jumped a little too.  
  
"Who the FUCK told you that you could be at that girl's house all night?" I wanted to throw up because he hadn't told me I could, and my body knew what was coming.  
  
My whole world slowed down and it was like a cracking window as his fist connected with the same spot as the night before. I whimpered on the floor for a second before trying to get up. His foot, on my stomach, kept me there.  
  
"WHO David! Who told you that you could go out?" His face was blood red, almost as red maybe as the blood I could feel trickling from my temple. I thought the vain in his neck would burst. It was as if he was holding his breath for my answer.  
  
"I-No one" I choked out, but probably shouldn't have. He kicked me hard, in the side and I rolled away from him as a few tears fell.  
  
I felt, didn't see, my father's hands pull me up from the cold tiled kitchen floor, standing me up straight in front of him. "Now get upstairs" he spat in face and pushed me back to the floor. I would have taken a moment to catch my breath there on the floor, but thought better of it. I staggered for the stairs and practically crawled my way to my room. I collapsed on the bed in the center of it, folding myself into a pathetic ball and crying for what felt like hours, clutching my side and the dumb bear Lizzie had given me two years ago for our 'Let's-not-celebrate- Valentine's-Day' celebration. My shirt still smelled like her after being pressed against her back all night. I smiled despite myself at the thought of her so close. I faintly heard the doorbell ringing out downstairs and within a few minutes I heard soft footsteps approaching. I wiped my face a little and watched the door. There was a light knock that I didn't answer until it got a bit louder. "Gordo?" It was Miranda and I wondered why in God's name my parents would have let her up here right now. I didn't answer her and I listened as she conversed with someone. "Gordo, it's us. Can we come in?" I crumbled at the sound of Lizzie's soft voice and sighed. I told them to come in and tried to sit up a little. I watched the handle turn and the door swing open slowly. Miranda entered first, unsure whether she should even be there, and Lizzie pushed her a little. I smiled.  
  
"Hey Gordo."  
  
"Hey. You, uh, you can come in."  
  
"You-you feeling ok? You ran out in kind of a hurry this morning." She was trying to pretend she didn't notice. Sweet Lizzie. Miranda of course, was a bit less subtle about the whole thing as usual.  
  
"Gordo. You're bleeding." Her eyes got wide and Lizzie elbowed her. "What? He is."  
  
"I'm ok. Just, just fell that's all." Why did I even bother?  
  
"Gordo, you told us everything last night, why try to cover it up now?" Lizzie spoke and my heart sank. I wanted her to tell me everything would be ok. But she was still standing in the doorway, ready to run from this nut house at any moment.  
  
"Look, Miranda and I were just going to head down to the Digital Bean for a few. Do you wanna come?" She finally looked me in the eye.  
  
"No.thanks. I'm just gonna stay here, get some rest."  
  
They looked at each other and back at me and then at each other again and they were giving me a headache. I rubbed my bleeding temple. Lizzie stepped forward, close to my bed.  
  
"Alright Gordo. Feel better ok? And if you need anything.you know where to find me." She kissed me on the cheek like I'd done to her earlier and slipped something into my hand. I watched them walk away and close the door before looking down to the piece of Lizzie-esque faerie paper in my hand.  
  
I read the scrawled handwriting over once, ripped it into a million little pieces and threw it onto the floor. I rolled onto my side again and fell in an uneasy asleep. 


	3. chapter three

"What was in it?" Miranda asked, hopping around in front of me like a wild animal. She made me laugh, almost. I looked at her inoccently.  
  
"In what?" I asked. She rolled her eyes  
  
"The note you gave him. Don't play me like I'm dumb." She stopped walking midstep.  
  
"Nothing. Just some things I thought he should know Miranda. Nothing." I pushed past her and kept walking towards our destination. It was quite warm for having just snowed last night but my feet still sank deep into the slushy snow on the unshoveled sidewalk. I shivered despite the sun.  
  
"No, Lizzie, really. What was it? Did you finally tell him? Damn, it sure took you long enough. And I'm so glad because if I have to listen to you go on about him for just one more minute I think I'll stick a dull object in my ear. So how did you word it?"  
  
"Relax. I didn't tell him anything. Yet." I sighed and made it obvious.  
  
"What then?"  
  
"Just some numbers. Phone numbers." I quickened my pace.  
  
"You get a new cell phone I don't know about?" She could be so dense sometimes.  
  
"No Miranda. I didn't get a new cell phone and if I did, you'd be the first to know about it."  
  
"Are you really just not going to tell me?" She gave me the puppy eyes that not even her own mother could resist. You'd think that after knowing her for as long as I have I would know they were coming, and prepare for battle.  
  
"Look, it was just a few phone numbers. Some hotlines. You know?" I looked up and we were finally there, but I didn't want to go inside. I turned and faced her. "What are we going to do?"  
  
"That's just it. WE'RE going to do something, not some anonymous bastard on the phone."  
  
"So I shouldn't have given them to him?" Dammit, couldn't I do anything right?  
  
"No, I'm not saying that but.well ok yeah, I am saying that. He needs his friends, not." I tuned her out even though every word she said was the right one. There is nothing worse, in my mind, than being wrong.  
  
I turned around swiftly and headed back in the direction we had just come from. She followed me closely, still talking faster than ever. I raced back to his house, my heart pounding by the time I reached his door again. Miranda plopped herself down on the last step as I rang the doorbell and rubbed my side, aching from the run.  
  
His mother answered the door in her thick Jewish Queen's accent, staring me down with deep brown eyes. I felt my hands shake under her spell and kicked Miranda from behind me to stand up.  
  
"Do you want to see him?" she asked, more kindly than I had expected she would. "Could we?" I asked, feeling the heat of Miranda's body on my back. She seemed to be contemplating it for a moment and I swore she would have turned us away had I not smiled at just the right second.  
  
She opened the door a bit wider and I rubbed my bare arms with my hands and we walked in. I could see his father's head peeking over the back of the beige couch and lights from the television danced on the walls.  
  
She yelled up the stairwell that we were there and I could hear things being shuffled around. We made the climb and knocked softly on the wooden door for a second time in a day, which normally wouldn't have seemed to be a strange thing, but this morning it was.  
  
We didn't have to let ourselves in this time. The door creaked open in a split seconds time, revealing a smiling Gordo. He let us in and we were both gladder than glad to see him so happy.  
  
I tripped over some clothes lying on the floor and we all laughed a genuine laugh and it felt good.  
  
"I'm sorry." He said, facing Miranda and blushing. His bruises looked bigger now. He looked about seven and so cute and my stomach turned over.  
  
"No, I'm sorry," she sighed. "I shouldn't have yelled. I was just so worried."  
  
He nodded and I sat down on the end of his bed, looking at him. Miranda's cell phone shrieked some high-pitched noise from her pocket, making us all jump. She pulled it out smoothly and answered, staring at a Doors poster on the wall.  
  
She mumbled for a minute before telling us that her mom was being 'such a bitch' and excusing herself from the room, leaving the two of us to ourselves, like it was planned.  
  
For a minute neither of us said a word, or even looking in each others direction. And like in the movies, when we decided to speak, we did so at the same time and fought over who should go first.  
  
"I need to ask you something." He said after I insisted he do so one last time.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I don't want to ruin things, but I've been thinking a lot lately. About you. And maybe this isn't the right time to bring things like this up, but what if we tried something?"  
  
"Something like what Gordo?" I asked, glancing down and knowing the answer. He began to fidget on the bed and tug at his unruly curls.  
  
"Like making us..us." He stated simply. I looked up slowly and smiled.  
  
"I'd like that."  
  
"I just..I need you right now."  
  
"Gordo, I'm here either way, you know that."  
  
"I know, I just-"  
  
I clenched my hands into fists before taking his hands in mine and kissing him. I could barely keep from smiling until I felt a tear on his cheek. I kissed him deeply and let go of one of his hands, running my fingers gently across his bruised face, and I heard him sigh. 


	4. chapter four

Miranda must have ran home because Gordo's phone rang ten minutes later, interrupting another kiss, as we tried to make up for lost time. He reached over and grabbed the phone, answering a little breathlessly. He handed me the phone and said he was going to the bathroom. When the door closed I shrieked into the mouthpiece.  
  
"This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me." I whispered. I settled back against a headrest of pillows and crossed my ankles.  
  
"What is?" Miranda asked, sounding excited now.  
  
"This! Me and Gordo." As if she didn't know.  
  
"YOU and GORDO? But when? How?" I could hear her mother speaking in Spanish in the background, but I didn't think she was talking to Miranda.  
  
"You told me to get the hell out of your hair, didn't you?"  
  
"Yeah, but"  
  
"Well.I'm officially out." I couldn't hold back a smile. She was right, I have been thinking about this since I was old enough to know what a crush is. But I knew it, and Miranda knew it. This was no crush. This was no Ethan-Craft-just-because-he-has-good-hair type of love. This was more of a Gordo-is-everything-I-could-ever-ask-for-in-a-friend-but-I-want- him-as-more type of love.  
  
"Sigh." I spoke the word into the phone and she giggled on the other end.  
  
"So.how's the lip lock?"  
  
"You are so childish Miranda. Is that all you think about?" I was being sarcastic of course, but I never needed to hint at it.  
  
"Yeah.now spill." I heard her bed squeak and I assumed she was getting comfortable for all of the juicy details.  
  
"It wasn't bad."  
  
"Lizzie." she warned.  
  
"Alright, it was amazing, everything I've ever dreamed it would be and more." Could I even put it into words?  
  
"That's more like it."  
  
I pulled the receiver away from my ear when I heard a crash downstairs. I could still hear Miranda talking. There was another noise followed by low voices.  
  
"Randy I have to go. I'll call you when I get home." I hung up and walked slowly to the door. I opened it, trying to cover up the creaking noises it made, and tiptoed down the carpeted hallway. I looked towards the bathroom, decorated in light blues with an ocean theme. The door was open; light was off, no one inside. I positioned myself at the top of the stairs and crouched down. I could still hear voices but I couldn't see anyone from where I stood.  
  
I had to take a deep breath to keep from shaking. I heard another cracking sound, louder this time, which I assumed was only because I was closer now. I heard a whimpering of 'please' and I knew it was Gordo. I felt sick upon realization and couldn't think of a thing to do but bolt down the stairs and help him. But I wouldn't have known how. So I stayed still, barely breathing even and listened.  
  
It was still only noon, but the whole house took on a dark and dreary light. It had to be my imagination. I could only hear my heart beating now. Nothing else until a choking, sobbing sound made it's way to my senses. I stumbled down the stairs and into the living room, almost throwing up last night's pizza when I turned the corner.  
  
Mr. Gordon stood over my best friend's quivering figure, muttering something about 'not allowed to have a girlfriend.' His eyes were so full of rage and it was all my fault. I could have killed myself at that moment if I didn't have my heart set on helping Gordo. My voice found me somehow and I screamed for him to stop as he kicked Gordo in the side, again and again.  
  
Gordo looked up and motioned for me to leave, before closing his eyes again. His father glared at me and told me this was 'family business' and asked if I would please see myself out. He then bent down and helped Gordo sit up on the floor. He hugged his son and asked him if he was okay after "falling down so clumsily." Gordo shook his head and Mr. Gordo pulled out a pack of Marlboro's, lighting one and pacing the room.  
  
I was frozen in place, tears trickling down my cheeks every now and then and I was thankful when Mr. Gordon walked out of the room, talking to himself and rubbing his head. I ran to Gordo and threw myself down beside him. I reached for his hand but he pulled it away quickly, moaning as he turned away.  
  
"Are you ok?" I whispered. He turned his head further from me, trying to hide his tears, while mine flowed freely now. He didn't answer.  
  
"Gordo, answer me." I choked out, not sound nearly dramatic enough for the situation. He still wouldn't talk.  
  
"Please."  
  
"You have to leave now Lizzie. I'll call you later tonight." His voice sounded dry and cold.  
  
"Ok." Was all I could muster at the moment. I stood up and held myself back from hugging him and telling him it would be alright. I closed the door softly behind me and hated myself for leaving him in that house, with those people who I'd known my entire life but suddenly couldn't trust for a minute. I hated myself, and I hated them but I didn't know what else I could do.  
  
I walked home, taking the longer paths and crying the whole way. He never called that night. 


End file.
